Clever Sayings And Quotes

__People who pretend to be bad are better than those who pretend to be good. 

__It's Been My Experience That The People Who Ask The LORD To Guide Their Footsteps Are The Very Same Ones Who Aren't Willing To Move Their Feet.

1] Give a man a match, and he'll be warm for a minute, but set him on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.

2] The real trouble with reality is that there's no background music.

3] Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.

4] Everyone is entitled to be stupid, but some abuse the privilege.

5] War doesn't determine who's right. War determines who's left.

6] It's your god. They're your rules. *You* go to hell.

7] I once prayed to god for a bike, but quickly found out he didnt work that way...so I stole a bike and prayed for his forgiveness

8] If pro is opposite of con, then what is the opposite of progress?

9] My god carries a hammer. Your god died nailed to a tree. Any questions?

10] Sarcasm helps keep you from telling people what you really think of them.

11] If you think things can't get worse it's probably only because you lack sufficient imagination.

12] A train station is where the train stops. A bus station is where the bus stops. On my desk, I have a work station..
.
13] You can't be late until you show up.

14] Knowledge is realizing that the street is one-way, wisdom is looking both directions anyway

15] Parents spend the first part of our lives teaching us to walk and talk, and the rest of it telling us to sit down and shut up.

16] Expecting the world to treat you fairly because you are good is like expecting the bull not to charge because you are a vegetarian.

17] A single death is a tragedy; a million deaths is a statistic.

18] The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources

19] books have knowledge, knowledge is power, power corrupts, corruption is a crime, and crime doesn't pay..so if you keep reading, you'll go broke

20] Advice for the day: If you have a headache, do what it says on the aspirin bottle: Take two, and KEEP AWAY FROM CHILDREN.



21] Optimism: Waiting for a ship to come in when you haven't sent one out.

22] As Long As There Are Tests, There Will Be Prayer In Public Schools.

23] Never interrupt your opponent while he's making a mistake.

24] You can go anywhere you want if you look serious and carry a clipboard.

25] If you don't pray in my school, I won't think in your church.

26] You know your god is man-made when he hates all the same people you do.

27] Love is like pi - natural, irrational, and very important.

28] life, n.: A whim of several billion cells to be you for a while

29] Evolutionists have proof without any certainty. Creationists have certainty without any proof.

30] It isn't homework unless it's due tomorrow.

31] You never learn anything by doing it right.

32] Friendships last when each friend thinks he has a slight superiority over the other.

33] It may look like I'm doing nothing, but I'm actively waiting for my problems to go away.

34] I come from a small town whose population never changed. Each time a woman got pregnant, someone left town.

35] Anyone who uses the phrase "easy as taking candy from a baby" has never tried taking candy from a baby.

36] It only takes 20 years for a liberal to become a conservative without changing a single idea.

37] The shortest distance between two points is under construction.

38] Drawing on my fine command of language, I said nothing.

39] A criminal is a person with predatory instincts who has not sufficient capital to form a corporation.

40] Every rule has an exception. Especially this one.

41] Anytime four New Yorkers get into a cab together without arguing, a bank robbery has just taken place.

42] If you're gonna go, go obnoxiously.

43] Confessions may be good for the soul, but they are bad for the reputation.

44] If the grass is greener on the other side, you can bet the water bill is higher.

45] An American's a person who isn't afraid to criticize the president but is always polite to traffic cops.

46] If I love you, what business is it of yours? -- Johann van Goethe

47] If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.

48] It is your concern when your neighbor's wall is on fire.

49] In order to keep a true perspective of one's importance, everyone should have a dog that will worship him and a cat that will ignore him.

50] It's amazing how nice people are to you when they know you're going away.

51] I am erotic. You are kinky. They are perverts. We protect. Our allies enforce. Our enemies oppress. Congress appropriates. Microsoft lobbies. Citizens steal.

52] Suicide is the most sincere form of self-criticism.

53] Love is staying up all night with a sick child, or a healthy adult.

54] The old believe everything, the middle- aged suspect everything, the young know everything

55] Delusions are often functional. A mother's opinions about her children's beauty, intelligence, goodness, et cetera ad nauseam, keep her from drowning them at birth.

56] To appreciate heaven well, it's good for a person to have some fifteen minutes of hell

57] Men marry because they are tired, women because they are curious; both are disappointed

58] You can't depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.
.
59] Calling an engineer an applied scientist is like calling an artistic painter an applied pigment chemist.

60] Mark's Dental-Chair Discovery: Dentists are incapable of asking questions that require a simple yes or no answer.